Working in a large corporate building for six years, I’ve gotten to know a fair amount of the other employees. Some are just a casual hello in the hall, and there are some that I’ve gotten to know pretty well.
As I’ve lost weight over the last several months, I’ve received various reactions. “Wow, you’ve shrunk!,” from some people who don’t see me regularly. “You’re doing great, keep going!,” from some I interact with daily. A few have even told me that my progress has inspired them to begin journeys of their own. That’s pretty humbling.
But recently, I’ve gotten a response that I didn’t expect… and I’ve heard it from more than one person.
Last week, one of my gym patrons said, “How much more do you think you want to lose?” I answered, oh, maybe ten more pounds or so. To which he replied, “See, you’re getting obsessed. You look good how you are now, don’t get too skinny.”
I chuckled and brushed it off, but in my mind, I was stunned – like I got slapped or something. What did he just say?
A few weeks ago, a coworker asked me how much I had lost, so I shared, with pride. Her response, “That’s awesome. Are you done yet, though? Just don’t lose too much more, or you’ll look like a crackhead.” Pardon me?
I was, and am still, completely taken aback. Normally I’m pretty quick-witted, but what do you say to that kind of comment?
I feel like any response will sound like I’m being defensive. And when you’re defensive, it looks like you have a problem. But I don’t have a problem, I’m just trying to lead a healthy life. And now it looks like I’m in denial.
What business it of anyone’s, but my own? If I want to maintain where I’m at, or lose more, its my prerogative.
Even sitting here, writing this post, I’m struggling to articulate the emotion those comments made me feel… it’s a mix of frustration, shock, feeling belittled and self-conscious. After staring at the screen for a few minutes now, I’m still not sure how to describe it, but of all the words that come to mind, none are positive. They didn’t give me the warm fuzzies, they made me feel like crap.
Unsolicited commentary is the worst. Society in general just seems to get more and more forward, saying what comes to mind, without thinking of how it will make the other person feel. I deal with it with infertility (“it’ll happen when you least expect it”), and now with my weight loss.
We learned it when we were kids, folks… mind your own beeswax!
Woops, that’s not it. I meant… If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
And that includes back-handed compliments laced with judgement.
Myrtle's Hurdles 
There will always be assholes out there who must say something negative – my partner’s mother being one such person when at first she said I would never complete a marathon, and two years later is now saying I am ruining my health by competing in too many races – it’s jealousy. Be very vigilant when interacting with these folks, their jealousy manifests in these snarky comments designed to bring you down. It’s a psychological attack to throw you off your success. Don’t listen to them. Better yet, arm yourself with a response to grind their gears (for example I tell my partner’s mom that perhaps if she took up running she could beat her menopause flab and wouldn’t be so tired all the time).
Well done on your weight loss so far, you just do what is best and right for you. To hell with anyone else who thinks they know better.
Thank you! Sometimes they disarm me with a compliment, and then before I know it, a zinger gets tossed in there. I agree, it’s either jealousy or their own unhappiness being projected out, and I just need to work on a shield 🙂